Chapter excerpt from Fearkiller (Volume One):

 

Our first, most obvious target audience is people who own fish, right?

The genius of where the Egan® brand is headed is that this target audience is age, gender, political affiliation, and demo-psycho-graphic neutral.

They own fish. Fish that need to be kept in line. But we’re not thinking big enough yet. Think of all of those people who hesitate to buy fish—who really want to own fish, but don’t think they can.

Their barrier to entry—to becoming fish owners—Egan® is the solution.

This disciplinary niche market may not be a niche after all. Think about what the initial target market, fish owners, knows that the next group of potential customers doesn’t know. If we figure out how to communicate what they know to those who don’t know, there’s opportunity here.

Our Phase Two Expansion Market.

They see the Early Adapters, current fish owners, purchasing Egan® by the fishtankfull and—

While we’re gaining extra brand loyalty with the current fish owners, we create brand loyalty with a whole new, ever-expanding group—that’s always desired to be fish owners!

Egan® doesn’t just make money off the current customer base. It creates new customer bases. It’s the gateway brand for non-fish owners. Their barrier of entry is the disciplinary issue. Egan® would be the answer. After Phase Two, we do this right, we got Phases Three through—

And we’re still not thinking big enough yet—

Think of all of the ancillary industries that Egan® will reinvigorate.

The Fish Tank, Fish Tank Lightbulb, the Fish Tank Water Pump Industries. The Neon Rock Industry. The Miniature Ceramic Pirate Ship Industry.

The Plastic Sea Plant Industry. Think about all those out-of-work plastic sea plant farmers Egan® is going to save.

And right now some person is sitting in a cubicle, dreaming of constructing a miniature ceramic pirate ship, then sailing it out to sea, sinking it, raising it from the bottom, then selling it to somebody, so they can put it in their fish tank.

They’re living in fear at that miserable job and putting that dream in a drawer. And then they start to notice the increasing number of fish tanks. So they’re brushing up on their ceramics and sailing lessons. But they’re hesitating. But if Disciplinary creates enough new fish tank owners, sooner or later these people will be flying the ceramic pirate flag. That’s how we need to approach this.

Pure capitalism, only symbiotic and mutually beneficial. It’s time to revolutionize. Capitalism 2.0. Egan® could—

Could God-friggin-damn well revive our flagging economy. That’s what it could do. Look in the news, all the other corporations and their CEOs are cowering in fear here in this second decade.

The concept of capitalism has been perverted and twisted into something that it so isn’t, maybe Egan® will be the first step toward bringing this back. Yoooooo-yo-yo-yoooooooo—the Oxygen-Pump-Disguised-As-Plastic-Miniature-Deep-Sea-Diving-Man Industry—Egan® could revitalize that too.

And still, we’re not thinking big enough yet.

Here’s an example of the untapped potential, using a subset of our target market: hippies.

We got two types of hippies here. Type One Hippie doesn’t own a TV and instead pulls tubes and watches their fish swim around while listening to nineteen-minute songs.

Type Two Hippie smokes their weed while watching TV. Reruns mainly. No fish. Or nineteen-minute songs.

They deep down would rather be pulling tubes and watching live fish, while listening to long—we’re talking very long—songs. But there, again, is that whole barrier-to-entry thing.

Egan® is their gateway to owning their own fish tank. Disciplinary issue covered, that tank is bought. IF we do this launch right.

And let’s think bigger: all of these hippies order late night delivery. I’m just extrapolating here: but the non-fish owners would order more late-night food if they gazed at their fish tanks versus their television sets. As opposed to TV, the human imagination and honkingly-long songs stimulate the appetite, energizing the mind and neurons.

I acknowledge that this is a complete hunch.

But work with me here: TV and computers spoon-feed everything and keep the mind passive. And that’s a rerun they’re watching anyway.

On the other hand, a fish tank full of the correct mix of fish is random, unpredictable. Technology is passive, a fish tank is alive.

This makes the mind hungry. Works up the mental appetite. And if you’re stoned, grooving to a jam while looking at your fish—

Instead of watching that rerun where that guy—see you know it already—our Phase Two market is staring at the fish in their brand-new fish tank complete with new water pump and organically-grown plastic sea plants and knowing that Egan® is there just in case and these hippies are letting their mind race.

They’re watching the fish. At that point in the song where most people would be thinking “Is this song stuck?” they’ll be thinking “If a fish got elected President, and went on a diplomatic mission to another country, and the ceremonial dinner was fish sticks, that would probably cause some type of war.”

The key here: minds are racing again.

That’s what the world needs: more minds need to rediscover the lost art of racing.

Egan® could resurrect America. Egan® could—What if somebody starts a late-night delivery business, HotWingzN’PuffyChipsN’FrozenYogurtN’DietSoda™?

But, they would have never started it if it weren’t for Egan®. Egan® expands their pool of potential customers. No: it inspires entrepreneurialism. If Egan® didn’t exist, HotWingzN’PuffyChipsN’FrozenYogurtN’DietSoda® could never exist.

Yeah, that’s right: registration mark is no longer pending. Are you getting in on the HotWingzN’PuffyChipsN’FrozenYogurtN’DietSoda® IPO? I sure am.

But these budding entrepreneurs, today they don’t believe the potential customer base is there. Egan® will help create it for them.

They would do a ‘before/after study’ around the launch of Egan®, watching Pizza Tent® and WokFalafelTacoSausage® and their late-night delivery numbers after the giant infusion of all that disciplinary fish food into the marketplace.

They’ll see this market’s potential. And think: this is just a tiny portion of the Egan® target market.

And also: in terms of consumers, remember these people will also be bailing out the Plastic-Miniature-Deep-Sea-Diver-Whoa-Holyshit-It’s-Really-An-Undercover-Water-Pump Industry.

Egan® is capitalism at its best.

 

 

This is the Egan® Disciplinary Fish Food elevator pitch from “Fearkiller (Volume 1)”, a story about watching the world go crazy after the Y2K virus didn’t destroy our technology and way of life. The Kindle version is $3.95. 

News about “Fearkiller (Volume 2)” coming soon.