If America is going Porky’s, Melania Trump makes an ideal First Lady.

“Make America Great Again” means “Give Whites Every Systemic Advantage Again.”
Nothing to see here, folks. Just four future Evangelical preachers having some good ol’ fashioned fun before they mature into men who will impregnate members of their congregations and use congregation funds to pay for the hush-hush abortions.

Part III in my series, “America: The Porky’s of It All.” Part I. Part II.

BIG OL’ DISCLAIMER TO START OFF THIS POST: if you came here thinking that you’re going to read some viciously bro-tastic slut-shaming directed at Melania Trump due to the fact that she has posed nude before, I need to disappoint you right now. Go along your merry-websurfing way. Find Breitbart or some Rush Limbaugh/Bill O’Reilly fanboy page. And you fellas on the Left who were looking for some woman-hate inspired by Melania’s nudity, you’ll need to go surf some anti-Hillary or anti-Elizabeth Warren website if you are looking for your misogyny fix. I’m not being holier-than-thou saying any of this: I once walked among the whiteboys, yessirreebubba I sure did. Though my views leaned more left than right and I never trucked with white supremacy, there was a time when the double standard about the sexes seemed totally fine with me. My judgments of women were way too harsh and I had no business making them. It seemed like the masculine thing to do and acting like this helps one gain acceptance. But a fella has got to move on from that twisted and sad thought process. Well…technically, they don’t. In fact, these days this type of ethic might land a fella a job in the White House or in management at companies where the women regularly sign NDAs. (Something about the wide use of NDAs these days seems so…so…so…Porky’s.)

I won’t say anything negative about Melania Trump’s modeling career. The pictures that got taken of her, none of that deserves any of my judgment or negativity.

However…when Fox News viewers put her up on a pedestal as a good, Christian woman who exemplifies the values shown in the Bible—I gotta call bullshit. Only I call bullshit on the hypocritical white nationalists, not Melania Trump. I call bullshit on their fake moralizing designed to telegraph to other groups of Americans that their group is America’s best group and they have no obligation to tell the truth.

One thing to keep in mind about the Right wing’s obvious hypocrisies: those racists damn well know that they are being two-faced. Talking out of both sides of one’s mouth is not about truth; it’s about power. White people who hump tax-avoiding billionaires’ legs don’t care about truth; they only want to disenfranchise others. These people have been empowered by the 1% to think that they control the ideas of right and wrong. The 1% said, “Guess what, Fox News watchers? We’re taking all the money and increasing your taxes, but we’ll let you be right when you’re wrong, howsthatsound?” And the Fox News watchers enthusiastically went along, even offering up their wives’ pussies in case the fat-cats needed to get in some pussy-grabbing time.

Saying that non-Christians like Donald and Melania Trump are, in actuality, ideal examples of Christians isn’t about stating these words like they are the truth. It’s about being wrong and challenging another to correct you.

The deceitfulness shown by #MAGA just seems so…so…so…Porky’s. 

As First Lady, Melania Trump naturally plays a role in the current state of the country. When #MAGA talks about an idyllic America and another point in time, the America shown in the 80s T&A flick Porky’s shows their worldview better than anything else. And in this universe, Melania Trump is the perfect First Lady.

But let’s not stop there.

Donald’s ex-wives? Porky’s.

Ivanka and Jared? Porky’s. 

His buddies Rush Limbaugh, Stephen Miller, Steve Bannon, William Barr—they’d be the Porky’s bad guys…or maybe the Porky’s good guys, who knows these days?

Mike Pence? That’s like Porky’s with a side of Porky’s. 

And Don Jr. and Eric? Duh.

That weirdo-Christian Paula White and her husband who look like swingers? Porky’s and #MAGA. The similarities are eerie. And simple-minded.

In the words of the late film tycoon, Floyd Gondolli, “I like simple pleasures, like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth. That’s just me. That’s just something that I enjoy.”

Rest in peace, Floyd. If anyone could appreciate the curvy features of our nation’s current First Lady, that person is you, sir. Well, you and Jack Horner, I mean. May he rest in peace as well.

Okay. I need to stop that right now. I can’t mix in my Boogie Nights with my Porky’s. Boogie Nights didn’t pretend to be anything it wasn’t. That movie showed the seediness of a world for what it was. Porky’s showed a seedy world while steadfastly stating that it was not seedy, but wholesome.

Thinking of seediness as wholesome seems so…so…so…#MAGA.

The #MAGA crowd loves to pretend. Those people hijacked the very real stresses that poorer whites experience every day—and in greater amounts, due to the widening income gap.

One popular American narrative is that the Donald Trump voter in 2016 had been disenfranchised and was suffering in greater numbers due to the black guy in the White House. In reality, the average Trump voter earned almost $20,000/year more than the median income. To put it another way, richer white people stole the true stories of poorer whites—while also hurting them in greater numbers with layoffs and cuts to the social safety net—and then passed these stories off as their own.

Then there is the younger MAGA voter. You see their theatrics these days. The “okay sign” nonsense, the passive-aggressive and smirky language about a “civil war” and the full-on hatred they display towards women, POC and LGBTQ. Anti-Semitism. Willful ignorance.

It all seems so…so…so…what’s the word? Sleazy? Not encompassing enough. Trashy? Not the right tone. Ugly? Something to this word…but it misses the mark.

Wait. I got it.


Or…is it MAGA?

Read more of my series, America: the Porky’s of it all. 

America is under siege from the guys in Porky’s. 

Understand the “America” in “Make America Great Again.” Watch the movie Porky’s.

I also write fiction. Check out my Amazon Author Page

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