Hey there, Newt. 

You’re probably going to kick the bucket soon, join up with Rush Limbaugh and Hitler wherever they are vacationing in the Great Beyond. I don’t say these words about your mortality as a threat—this point needs to be clear as day—it’s just that you’re getting up there in the years. I figured I’d drop you a line while you are still on this plane, before age takes hold. 

Today is Vietnam Veterans Day, 2025. Today also happens to be six days after the world learned that Pete Hegseth and Mike Waltz accidentally included journalist Jeffrey Goldberg in their “top secret” Signal chat where key members of the Donald Trump team were overseeing an attack on the Houthi group in Yemen. 

On this day, Newt, I am writing you to say that your side won. Your team won. Your opponents lost and they lost big. Or, to use the word of another on your team, bigly. 

When I talk about sides and teams here, Newt, I am not thinking about Republicans versus Democrats. Instead, one side includes men who supported the Vietnam War as young men but also dodged the draft that called up citizens to fight. This is your side. Your opponents, the other team, are those Vietnam veterans who today count themselves as your fellow conservatives. Both teams in this competition received draft notices, but one side made excuses while the other side honored their agreement. In the years since the war ended, both sides grew older and exerted influence on the Republican Party.

The non-veterans ended up with the advantage. This is plain as day.

Even though Mike Waltz and Pete Hegseth are military veterans, they’re also smirky-faced dicks, a behavior that I attribute to chickenhawkery. Both wear a type of ugly, little smile that I once named “white man’s war face” because I am Gen X and kitsch is our thing.

WWII fellas didn’t smirk like the modern Right wing smirks. The Military-Industrial Complex that GOP President Dwight Eisenhower warned about is now on steroids.

Newt, looking at the state of modern conservatism in March 2025, you draft-dodging chickenhawks kicked those Vietnam veterans right in their asses. This “battle” (quotes intentional) for control over modern right-wing philosophical thought, well, your team won huge.

Keep telling MAGA that Pete Hegseth is some kind of hero-warrior-super-duper-Navy-SEAL-man. They’ll start repeating it sooner or later and thoughts of his colossal fuck-up Houthi chat will vanish. His systematic firing of Black and brown senior military personnel as well as women, combined with his removing distinguished veterans from historical archives because of “DEI”—remind MAGA of all that. You and your non-military boys trained Pete well, Newt.

Then there is Elon Musk, a child of apartheid government, cutting benefits and care for the VA and firing former military members from our government’s offices. 

I bet it feels good, doesn’t it? Fuck you for your service, amirite? 

When it comes to the overall takeover plan, something very chickenhawk about Project 2025. And Russell Vought? His call sign should be “Son of Chickenhawk” because his sniveling-little-man vibe is that intense.

Newt, you helped create a generation of privileged white guys who refer to themselves as “alpha males” and these dudebros radiate big chickenhawk energy. I bet you are proud.

I’m sad that my country has been economically beaten down by systemic inequality for so long. But people are resisting and you know it. Elon knows that the masses are not obeying in advance even if the rich Democrats are choosing to fold. It’s why he wears his kid as a human shield. 

Now, I’d like to bring up my thought experiment. Newt: let’s say the young man who went over in your place got killed. And you met a sibling of his.

Let’s say this man had a sister two years younger and now she’s an older woman. She broke down the day she heard her older brother died in a place thousands of miles from home and she was there to cry with the rest of her family. Let’s say she was sixteen on that day. Eventually, she healed enough to resume living. She married, had kids, maybe had a job and maybe she didn’t. But, through it all, her older brother was never there. 

Now, we know that if he ever met her, your fellow draft-dodger Donald Trump would laugh at this woman, ridicule her for being weak. And another still-living draft-dodger, Ted Nugent, that man is so wacko that he’d probably cackle in her face and then run outside to find the nearest signpost and dry-hump the living heck out of it. And if Rush “Buttwarts” Limbaugh were still alive, he’d be dismissive, we all know he would. Women never mattered to him.

But you, Newt, I have a wee bit of faith in you: that you’d be at least a bit empathetic. 

Newt: let’s say you met this hypothetical woman I just described here. 

What would you say to her? 

Earlier posts:
• Predatory capitalists need martyrs, too. 
• Are you in your twenties and wondering what’s up with your parents?
• A hypothetical experiment using two bros who overuse the word “successful.”
• World events since I released my first book.
• Open letter to a selfie of my drunk-ass self, taken on August 11th, 2001.

I write fiction and have two dark comedies available, Fearkiller (Volume 1) and Notes from Trillionaire Island: Fearkiller (Volume 2), as well as Revolutionizer Alpha, the first book in a sci-fi series. I also wrote a story about God. It was weird, but then I decided to make the story and its sequel free. And all of the sudden, it didn’t seem as weird. Writing about God is much less weird when you write about God without charging money for it. Here’s my professional site, my trade. Follow me on Medium.