The New Einsatzgruppen wants to talk fatherhood and masculinity. Oh, boy!

Men like Josh Hawley and JD Vance really, really want to show off their manliness. Like…really.
This is a great picture of Tucker Carlson‘s parents.

Riffing off of:
Their Undeserving Little Smiles Are Called Einsatzgruppens
Don’t Get Mad at JD Vance, He’s Just Being White.

What got smirky Right-wingers all fired up?

Why are they dispensing so much unsolicited advice about caucasian dadliness and masculinity? WTF?

Ward Cleaver-Bros: chill.

Dial it back. The powers that be, they got this.

Not too far into the future, Eric Trump is going to become the President of the United States and all will be armband-tastic. As soon as his reign begins, he will order the limp-wristed artsy-farts in Hollywood to make the best movies ever made.

The best. Films that are just…terrific.

Important subjects like parenthood and manliness will drive the development of many cinematic masterracepieces, just you wait. I know this because I have already started reviewing movies from President Eric Trump’s reign. Pertaining to this subject, a few movies come to mind:

2028’s Assaulting the Handicapped: A Fathers and Sons Story will be a two-hour tearjerker, teaching tons of timeless lessons to parents and children alike. (As an aside, this one kid…I don’t know what his parents will be feeding him in a few years, but holy Christ. He lands a vicious right hook about two-thirds of the way through the film on the chin of an old man with MS that would make Muhammad Ali proud.)

Then, Mein Fathers, prepare for Becky Thavesth All of Americath Aminalth. This cutesy kiddie-tale will bring big ol’ bellyfuls of giggles to the (caucasian) moviegoers. Precocious lil’ Becky…so committed to doing everything she can to save the pets of the folks who get rounded up and sent to the camps. And moviegoers get to laugh along for one hour and forty-five minutes.

Also, check out ‘K’ Is For College, Hardass Babcock: One Badass Chickenhawk, and Ayn Rand’s Anal Antics #17 to get a feel for the vein of masculinity that the dads of the future will impart to their white male offspring. 

For the past five decades, the Right has invested heavily in selling their views to the masses.

But, speaking of the masses…let’s talk about the true audience for these most recent parenting tips and red-blooded diatribes. 

It isn’t the MAGA-hatted. No sirree, bubba.

(If anything, many of the MAGAt-Dads have been dying of Covid, so what’s the point of pandering to that group any longer?)

Nope. The Right’s new conversation is directed at the fathers in the Wall Street Democrat, Silicon Valley, and neoliberal crowds. The fellas who interrupt conversations about white nationalism with bad-faith nonsense like, “Not to play devil’s advocate here but…even though Donald Trump may be a fascist, you have to admit that the stock market did great during his term.” and “White nationalism…hmmm…do you have any concrete examples of this ‘white nationalism’?”

Those dads are the focus for this new strain of regressive masculinity propaganda. And I get why it’s happening. 

I’ve known these types of dudes my whole life. I worked with them. Grew up with them. Just like their Right-leaning, rentier-loving brethren, they use the word “successful” a lot and are very risk-averse—even though they strive to present themselves as fearless, capitalist mega-men.

Selling caucasian-fascism by coming across like you care about kids and manliness…shrewd move, perfect for these guys. They have been searching for an attractive-sounding excuse to join Team White. Using their families and exploiting their insecurities is the perfect approach.

Neoliberals have spent the past decade trying to rationalize white supremacy while not coming across as the type of people who would, you know, rationalize white supremacy. They voted for Obama and Hillary. They loudly denounce Donald Trump. 

Up until recently, these Democrats were the first to yell, “DON’T TALK POLITICS!” at left-leaning people who brought up political issues in front of Right-leaning folks. Though, from what I have seen, many of these same Dem-bros tended to stay silent when Right-leaning fellas brought up politics or fired off racist jokes and micro-aggressive death threats towards Hillary.

And those types are having kids. Many seem concerned about the state of masculinity and their sons’ future masculinity. Like Right-wing fathers, they worry about their boys being affected by societal influences like participation trophies, transgendered citizens, and critical race theory curriculums. (I’m pretty sure these guys worry about their daughters being affected, too. They just don’t talk about the girls much.)

Again: I get why this crowd is the new target for this NeoNaziDad bullshit. These Democrats are competitive to a fault and like to turn their children into opportunities to call attention to themselves. They love to buy the biggest, best toys. They live to snap photos and videos of their kids and their expensive toys and post these videos on social media. 

Most importantly, they are just as madly in love with the stock market as Right-wingers are. Gaming the system drives their lives, too. Just like Josh Hawley and JD Vance, they have becoming very good at railing against socialism while defending government bailouts for corporations.

Smart move, targeting these fellas’ kid-vanity.

Time to evolve the oligarch’s campaign. Quit talking to the Right-wing riff-raff. They don’t have any money to steal. Neoliberals do.

The not-as-right-leaning Limited Liability Caucasians have been searching for a palatable angle and the whole parenthood/masculinity idea is logical. 

In the opinion of a man who does not have kids, this Bro-Dad-Manly-Man initiative has the potential to catch on.

If this conversation keeps going for twelve to eighteen months, it has the potential to build up a Democrat following.

What could be more noble than saying that you’re joining the Einsatzgruppen…but you’re doing it for the kids? 

Riffing off of earlier posts:
• If we go to war, Steve Bannon’s call sign absolutely needs to be “Cameron Alexander from ‘American History X’.” 
• Showers of gold.
• Jonas Salk. What a pussy.
• Can’t outsmart ’em? Outdumb ’em!
• Open letter to a selfie of my drunk-ass self, taken on August 11th, 2001.

I write fiction and have two dark comedies available, Fearkiller (Volume 1) and Notes from Trillionaire Island: Fearkiller (Volume 2), as well as Revolutionizer Alpha, the first book in a sci-fi series. I also wrote a story about God. It was weird, but then I decided to make the story and its sequel free. And all of the sudden, it didn’t seem as weird. Writing about God is much less weird when you write about God without charging money for itHere’s my professional site, my trade. Follow me on Medium.

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