A handy translation guide for a bit of #MAGA’s two-faced bullshit.

Confused by the smirky double-speak? Confounded by the hypocritical willful ignorance? You’re not alone.

White America’s two-faced bullshit is intentional. They know it. That’s the kink of it, the thrill. It’s titillating to get away with something when you shouldn’t.

GO WHITES GO!

This way of thinking helps a spite-filled POS hate rich white men less. Which is the idea.

When a person is financially-stressed but wants to remain committed to believing in the principles of trickle-down economics, life is all about pushing buttons—pushing them to the point where a right-winger has manufactured an opportunity to dial 911 and play victim. Doing such things makes a white person feel like a richer and less-powerless white person.

Talking out of both sides of their mouths is another way for these people to feel rich. And here is a list of some subjects that can incite White America to talk out of both sides of their mouths:

“Snowflake”
Let’s begin with this term because I’m posting a few days after Senator Rand “Ambivalent About Lynching” Paul tweeted that police “literally saved his life from an angry mob” as he left the Republican National Convention. Look at the video. I dunno…if a red-blooded fella like Rand feels he’s so in danger that he sends a tweet stating that he could have been killed, I have a question: how “soy” and “boy” are these “soy-boys”? On a related note: how “alpha” and “male” is Rand Paul’s inner “alpha male”? If the Rand Paul-types who are too tough to wear masks are to be believed, left-wing protesters seem to be this confounding concoction of ultra-wimpiness and inhumanly-violent tendencies.

“Pedophile”
Man. Bros hate pedophiles. Except for pedophiles who share their political views and disdain for all that which is not incel-tastic. Especially if the chick was like…you know…like…we’re talking already “well-developed.” Fellas who think they’re one decision away from reaching Club Billionaire would totally go Roy Moore in the most Roy Moore of ways, given the chance, thinking to themselves, Hey, back then it was different…and he REALLY wasn’t THAT much older than the teen girls…. But don’t forget: according to these same horn-dog-bros, libs are not allowed to think this way. In their view, stories about Bill Clinton hanging with Jeffrey Epstein are bad and stories about Donald Trump hanging with Jeffrey Epstein are good. If the MAGA-hatted fella is especially good at getting away with blurring the line between sexuality and sexual violence, the other fellas give him a trophy. And not a participation trophy, either. Bros hate participation trophies. Unless they’re Confederate monuments, that is. 

“Cuck”
I will assume that you have heard the recent stories about Jerry Falwell, Junior. Here’s the thing: all that salacious stuff about Falwell’s wife and the pool boy doinking while he watched? None of that salaciousness qualified as “cuck” salaciousness. Over 2000 years ago, the blonde pussy-hound known as Trickle-Down Jesus established laws when it came to talking about husbands who watch their wives do it with other men: only libs can be “cucks.” If it seems unfair, don’t get mad at me. Get mad at the only Aryan-looking rabbi in an ancient culture full of darker-skinned, darker-haired people. Bro makes the rules, I don’t. 

“Deep State”
You probably first heard this term and thought to yourself, “Well heck yeah! Finally! Somebody is FINALLY speaking up about the world’s oligarchs who take increasingly larger percentages of wealth, skimp more on taxes, buy government to exploit it, and hoard their money instead of investing it to create jobs and spur innovation. Yes!!! Somebody is speaking truth to power at last!!!” And…guess what? That is where you went wrong. When bros and the womenfolk who love them say “deep state” they mean “Jews.” 

“Pro-Life”
You know…let’s just move on to the next term.

“Socialism”
I bet it was perplexing when Fox News-watching folks did not express any outrage over President Don’s big handout of free stuff to farmers after he fucked up trade relations with China. It didn’t perplex me, though. Nosirreebubba. I’ve known these dense fellas and the womenfolk who make their sammiches long enough. (Thankfully nowadays, more from a distance. One reaches a certain age and realizes that they just cannot squander their hang-time on some people.) To these folks, “socialism” means “food stamps for black children.” The Right does not care one bit that America’s billionaires are $800 billion richer since the pandemic began, in large part due to government handouts. The Ayn Rand Institute getting PPP money? Not socialism. Nope. Sorry, libtard. Elon Musk says it isn’t socialism and he’s Iron Man. 

“Blue Lives Matter”
Actually, the phrase “Blue Lives Matter” does mean what it seems to mean…sober, that is. Sober, the people who use this term are indeed equating a person’s job to another person’s skin color. But, that’s when they are sober. After four or five drinks, the whole idea of “police” takes on a whole new meaning to people who are not rich but believe in trickle-down economics. When they are sober, it’s all, “Blue lives matter.” But after some shots, they are more like, “FU JONNY LAW I WILL NOT PUT MY PANTS BACK ON. I WILL NOT EXIT THIS STREET JONNY LAW I HAVE THE CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO STAND IN THIS STREET WITHOUT PANTS AND DO THE STAND-IN-THE-STREET-WITHOUT-PANTS DANCE. YOU KNOW WHO PAYS YOUR SALARY, JONNY LAW? ME.”

“Second Amendment Freedoms”
Such an exalted element of the Constitution, the storied Second Amendment. I say, “Pew!” You say, “Pew!” “Pew!” “Pew!” Trickle-Down Jesus himself penned the words that grant the unconditional* right to bear arms. True, his editors needed to remove all of the “thines” and “thous” and “thees” so it would make sense for us Yanks. But every one of those thoughts about unconditional* rights to bear arms came straight out of TDJ’s mind. That guy loved guns and young pussy. And he hated the poor. *DISCLAIMER. Rights not unconditional for blacks, Jews, women, LGBTQ, women, Latinx, Asians, women, libs, soy-boys (lefty soy-boys, not the Rand Paul types), RINOs, Muslims, and women.  

“America”
We gotta be straight-up honest here: Don’s agenda for our country is white supremacy. His family’s aim for the country is white supremacy. His administration’s goal for the country is white supremacy. The Make America Great Again vision for our country is white supremacy. The Republican Party platform is white supremacy. Conservative education interests want to teach white supremacy. Wall Street wants to continue profiteering off of white supremacy. Silicon Valley wants to continue exploiting white supremacy. When all of these people say the word, “freedom” they mean, “pay homage to white supremacy.” 

Some Americans have no problem with increasing levels of mistreatment by the 1%. As long a group of different-looking people can serve as a socially-approved target for their pent-up rage, Fox News America is good with the rich fellas hoarding money offshore and making life more difficult for the masses. Whenever their mind starts to wonder, their pre-conditioning kicks in and the phrase “white men built this country” floods the neurons until the questions subside.

The people who truck with this type of nonsensicality know that if they tolerate the top earners taking more, the top earners will make life more difficult for those “others” while easing up on the whites who enable the financial corruption. Whoever those “others” are in these paranoid folks’ heads, life is about using language against these “others” and pushing the bounds of social acceptability past the point of acceptability. 

Our country is the country that our Founding Fathers envisioned. Our country is not the country our Founding Fathers envisioned. This place has potential. But we need to address its two-faced bullshit before moving forward. 

If things feel tense right now, it’s because you realize that a reckoning is happening.

My fellow white people: we have nothing to gain by continuing to buy into our two-faced bullshit. This problem sits on our shoulders, no one else’s. We need to figure out how to be better humans. We started all this and other folks got shit to do.

Why does the term “white privilege” stick in some people’s craws the way that it does? 

Because it’s the truth.

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