Yo, China and Russia: instead of making war on America, make war-porn for America.

Oligarchs in the United States pose the biggest threat to the planet. The good guys need to confront them.

soldier statue
Vladimir, Xi: war movies, not war machines. The way to fight my country, fellas, is to make life difficult for its rich people. America’s richest 400 families pay a lower tax rate than America’s middle class. They continue to use their influence over government to line their pockets at the expense of the masses. These people and the ones who enable them also inflict damage on your countries as well, I am sure you two are aware of this. My dudes, war flicks containing lots of military hardware and explosions, with some T&A added in, will do more damage than any type of military strike or cyber attack. — Photo by Scott Platt on Pexels.com

<Cue dramatic music. The guy with that movie-trailer-announcer voice starts to speak.>

An American warship is at sea.  

Out of nowhere, a virus strikes. 

Showing no mercy, the contagion spreads. It infects old and young sailors alike. The ship’s medical corps cannot contain it.  

After the worried captain requests assistance, Washington bureaucrats step in and refuse. So he takes matters into his own hands. He breaks all protocol because his crew is in trouble.

Can he save his sailors? 

***

Cock and balls! Now doesn’t that sound like some cool-as-heck war-porn? Very ‘Merican. 

Imagine the movie trailer that would accompany the voiceover. Envision the sexy shots of big, threatening-looking ships and super-fast fighter planes. ZOOOMMMM! High-tech thingies everywhere. Mix these visuals in with footage of cherub-faced young sailors getting bossed around by old salty sailors, add in a few comic one-liners along with a few young hottie actresses to play female members of the crew.

I’d recommend casting some late-forties handsome leading man type to be the ship’s captain/hero of the story. Cast a MILFy hottie to be his concerned wife sitting at home, telling the kids to be brave for their daddy—

This is some box-office gold right here, China and Russia. And some weapons-grade propaganda that will target the people it needs to target. 

The cast needs to all speak perfect English, though. This is America, after all. Keep in mind that we are the same people who come to your countries and complain that the Big Macs taste different than the Big Macs at their local McDonald’s. Also, invest in authenticity because it will reap rewards in the end.

This story, you’d bring in the female audience as well, if you do it right. This means you’ll reach more people with your oligarch-busting narrative. Make the audience care about these vulnerable sailors. Have the MILFy hottie wife be the rock, the woman who keeps the kids calm while the husband puts his career on the line to save his crew.

Vlad, Xi: I’m not fucking around here. America loves these movies. 

For China and Russia, the great thing about this story is that, if produced correctly, it would make the United States government and its powerful people at the top look like inhuman sycophants and sociopaths. Done right, this type of movie would, as we Yanks say, “sell like hotcakes” while also sending the message that America’s policymakers serve the military industrial complex and financial markets instead of the common good. 

The “America” that wants to burn the planet for profit and has no regard for human life would be the bad guy in this story.

Now here’s what’s really great, Russia and China. The event actually happened.

The aircraft carrier U.S.S. Roosevelt got struck by Covid-19 and the captain acted heroically, then got punished for it by the stiffs in Washington.

As an American citizen watching it all unfold, the event reminded me how low my country has sunk, how it bends over backwards for the privileged who extract wealth and hoard this money in tax shelters. The same crowd downplayed Covid-19’s initial stages because their concerns stayed focused on the stock market. This delay led to more deaths and our current precarious situation. And now, they are worried still about the stock market. Their demands that the masses to return to work, risking exposure to the virus—which, as I said, is more widespread thanks to our slow start. 

These one-dimensional fascists are your enemies, China and Russia. And they sure as hell don’t have my country’s best interests in mind, either. 

War flicks. Bazookas, missile-firing helicopters, big-ass machine guns—don’t invest in the real things, guys. Make big-budget cinematic experiences using prop versions instead.

If I were another country looking to weaken the United States, I wouldn’t shoot bombs at the country or its military hardware. If anything, that type of move would play right into the villains’ hands—the defense contractors and oil companies who exploit the country and pay little in return would use your attack was an excuse. Heck, those entities would respond to acts of aggression by sending their lobbyists to Washington to squeeze even more money out of the Federal Government. They would turn your act of war into a chance to excite their shareholders, casualties and destruction be damned. They might drag the war out a lot longer just to keep profiteering off of it. 

If China and Russia made a movie where the heroes were the SEALs who turned in Eddie Gallagher, they’d hurt the Americans who need to be hurt and they would hurt them in the right ways. Even better, Americans would be some of the first folks to see this movie and ogle over its war-toys. Maybe some bodies getting blown apart, a good drunk scene with the guys—gotta do it right.

If done right, Russia or China would make the United States of America look like the bad guys. The events themselves—the reality—already give your screenwriters and film directors a great start, so creating some good war-porn dramatic cinema should be easy. 

Americans would be your films’ biggest fans. True, the stupider ones wouldn’t pick up on the idea that the country’s leaders were the bad guys of the movie. But those #MAGA-hatted types don’t pick up on much.

The important thing is that many good Americans—and the world—would get it.

You would make the right people look bad. Those people hate looking bad more than anything else.

War-porn, Vlad and Xi. War-porn.

With explosions.

 

Now it’s time to pimp my own fiction. Please visit my Amazon Author Page.

It’s time to revolutionize.

 

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