Somebody please help! My country has been infested by chickenhawks.

Let’s start off this blog post with a joke.

Q: Why did the ammosexual cross the road?

A: To shoot bullets at the street sign.

Thank you for your applause. I’ll be here all week. Be sure to tip your server.

Full disclosure: I write this blog post as a peacenik and I have never served in any branches of the military. Yeah…just like the camouflaged white dudes who prance in public and wave their guns at people, I too am a white dude who is not a veteran.

I found this chart in a report about the demographic makeup of the US military. Guess what? Not very many Americans serve. Even in the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks, numbers didn’t skyrocket. Around one-half of one percent—.5%—of Americans are currently active duty. You know those portly fellas at the local Subway wearing all the gear, armed to the teeth? Those are GI Jokes, not GI Joes.

• In the Navy and Air Force, one in five service members are women.

• As this article states: “Among enlisted recruits, 43 percent of men and 56 percent of women are Hispanic or a racial minority.”

• There are almost as many black women as white women in the Army. And keep in mind the black and white population percentages.

• Hispanics are the fastest-growing section of the military population.

• Non-hispanic white representation in the military is decreasing, not increasing.

Fox News viewers and Breitbart readers don’t serve, they play military to bond with their buddies. These fellas never considered the military as a path for themselves, but lose their shit over stories about servicewomen trying out for previous all-male programs. Bros get livid at Colin Kaepernick for kneeling during the National Anthem—even though bros use the anthem-singing time as an excuse to go get another brat or use the can one last time before the game begins.

These days, they arm themselves and gather with other non-veterans in front of state capitols, knowing that they can get away with carrying their pseudo-military gear because they’re white.

They ride the coattails of their dead ancestors’ military careers and pass this mojo off as their own.

They aim to intimidate the rest of the population, not protect it.

Gunhumping caucasians foster false narratives about race and gender in the military. The non-military militants tell each other that it’s primarily white men who defend our country. If white males hold a numerical advantage at the moment, it’s only because whites are still (for now) the majority demographic in the U.S.

Even though the chickenhawks say otherwise, us white males are less likely to serve than other groups.

I’ll close this post with a quote from our current President:

“I always felt that I was in the military.”

 

Other blog posts about this bro-tastic subject: 

How much chicken would a chickenhawk hawk if a chickenhawk could hawk chicken?

Aw yeah, the ammosexuals have war-boners. 

Circus seals pretending to be Navy SEALs.

Donald Trump’s non-military militarism should terrify you. 

 

Check out my Amazon Author Page. I write fiction, dark comedy and sci-fi.